The Other Mother
As I mentioned in a previous post, I will now be the partner to first fill the role of ,what I have recently read many women refer themselves to as, the other mother or the non-bio mom. About a year ago I stumbled upon a book called “Confessions of the Other Mother” and immediately purchased it online for my sweetie, who was going to soon be filling the title of “the other mother”. Oddly enough I am the only one of us that has actually read the book. I read this book about two months ago when V and I were still planning on for me to be the one that will carry our children. I choose to read it first because V had expressed what appeared to be somewhat valid concerns about being the non-bio mom; at the time I did not fully comprehend her concerns. Now that I will soon be stepping into the role of the non-bio mom I fully understand a few of the concerns she previously had about her role as the non-bio mom. I do have to admit that at the time I thought some of her concerns were slightly unjustified and concerning because in my mind I viewed our joint motherhood of one of equality and without any separating differences between our roles as mommies to our children. I do see that there will be some avoidable and unavoidable differences that we will work through as we experience motherhood.
Now I am going to be non-bio mom and have some concerns and fears of my own. Breastfeeding envy seemed to be a common thread through many of the stories in the book and at the time I read the book I did not understand the magnitude that the connection that is built through the act of breastfeeding your child. I worry that I will experience jealousy towards that bond and connection that occurs during breastfeeding. When V was going to be the non-bio mom I looked into induced lactation for her because I wanted to reduce the number of experiences that are not physically possible as a non-bio mom. It seemed like a good idea when I was propsoing it for her to do, now I am not sure.
Of course, when it really comes down to it the end result of having a family with V is really all that is important.
Hmmm, maybe I should pick up a copy of that…
It is a god book that really looks into the life and emotions of being a non-bio mom, but read with caution. There were numerous situations within the entries of the book where I think the author makes being the non-bio mom a bigger deal than it really is.