Tears and Cheers
Violet has the most amazing insurance in regards to fertility coverage. Violet’s insurance has fertility coverage that covers 90% of 6 IUI’s and 3 IVF cycles. Unheard of, I know. Since my baby making parts all are screwy, the plan is for me to enroll under Violet’s insurance during open enrollment in November. IVF is planned for January-the first month that I would be covered under her policy. This plan abruptly all changed as of Wednesday when Violet was informed that there will no longer be fertility coverage under the new policy, as of December. As you could imagine this is devastating for us. I cried a lot Wednesdayand felt very angry with the timing of everything.
I still feel very angry, but to heal decided to jump straight into planning. That is how I deal best. After a few days, we have decided to do have Violet do IVF on her next cycle. It is very exciting because it will happen so soon and in my mind IVF was still a ways off. We were on an extended break till January….now hopefully Violet will be a few months preg in January!
The whole thing has a very sad component for me. I really wanted the chance to carry a child and have a stronger desire to carry than Violet does. That is actually the reason we had decided to quit fertility treatments with her and switch to me becoming the gestational parent. However, it just doesn’t make sense to not try to use an IVF cycle that is covered 90% before it goes away forever. I know in the future (when I am 34) we can try to get me pregnant, but pair my age at future TTC with the fact that I have PCOS and , there is a very small chance that I will actually get pregnant without spending IVF. So, I am trying to really focus on the fact that we are able to have one IVF cycle and maybe actually end up with a baby in the end and let go of my yearn to be pregnant. Because what is most important is that there is a baby not only in our hearts but in our arms.
Today is cycle day 13 on Violets cycle and think cycle day 1 will be on October 29th or 30th. Since we were very close to starting an IVF cycle a few months ago, we have already gone through all the pre IVF meetings and appointments, so all we have to do is wait for CD 1 and call the clinic to get the run down again. Seems weird to be so close to IVF and not have 50 million appointments and things to remember. Oh wait, I think he does want to do a baseline u/s. Still, pretty low key.
I do have a question that I hope all you IVFers can answer. Our clinic is not having Violet do a month of birth control pills before her IVF cycle. It seems that it is the norm to do bc pills. My question for you all is…Should I be concerned? I have heard really positive things about our clinic and our doc has been in IVF for forever….so maybe I should just sit back, relax and try to trust.
Now that Violet will most likely be the only one carrying, I have found that I am concerned about donor physical characteristics much more than in the past. While perusing the donor sites earlier today, I found a donor that has olive skin, hazel eyes and wavy dark hair. These physical characteristics are not the same as me, but VERY similar. I have olive skin, blue eyes and curly brown hair. I couldn’t help but get excited.
Thoughts would be much appreciated as I find myself through out the conflicting feelings I am having about our current TTC state. I am also really trying hard not to let myself go to the place where I think about: “what if this IVF cycle does not work”. That is a scary place.
Mommies In The Making 
i’m sorry to hear about the change in coverage, but excited you guys are moving forward.
and you should NOT be concerned about the BCP! my RE gave me a choice. she said suppressing ovulation one month can sometimes help the ovaries kick it up a notch the next month, but it’s not necessary. most doctors do the BCP to time the retrievals to their schedules. we decided to go ahead with it, but that was mostly because we wanted to time our first IVF cycle with the end of my school year so that i wouldn’t have to take too many days off.
of course our first IVF failed and we decided to do another cycle right away again so i could jump right in again while still on vacation. no BCP that time. also, my body was jacked up on hormones from the first cycle. we got 2 frozen embryos out of the june cycle and 5 from the july cycle. it was one of those snow-babies from july, the second month of back-to-back stim cycles, that we thawed in september and that is now growing inside of me.
i really hope the first cycle works for you guys, but if for some reason it didn’t i’d advise getting in as many stim + retrieval cycles as possible while you still have the insurance coverage, to try to get some lovely little ones to freeze. then you guys can decide to have you carry violet’s embryo later on, even if it’s for your second child. the FET part of the procedure is a lot less expensive than the stims and retrieval.
good luck! i can’t wait to start following you guys on this journey.
i wish i could edit my last comment. if you get a lot of frozen embryos the first time, i wouldn’t worry about a second stim cycle. if you only got a few, like me, then i’d suggest it again in december while you’re insured.
but this is all unnecessary speculation, goddamit! your first IVF cycle will work!
I was always supposed to be the one to carry our first child, as I was FAR more enthusiastic, but due to circumstances Justine got to carry our first. But now, I LOVE being the non-gestational parent. Our baby is such a joy and completely mine, and who carried him doesn’t matter in the least. Good luck with IVF, we’ll be cheering for you!
Ugh on the insurance bit! How exciting though to be able to jump in right away. As for the b/c pills my understanding is it is more for scheduling purposes than for anything else. Some clinics use them and some don’t. Choosing a donor isn’t always the easiest but regardless it is amazing to see the results in the end (in baby form). Hoping for the best for you and Violet!
Ditto on the scheduling bit with the bc pills – we’ll be starting IVF either late November or early next year, and I asked our doc the same thing. He told me that most clinics have just a few doctors, so they like to stagger their IVF patients so they’re not all on the same schedule and getting procedures at the same time – hence the bc pills. Since our clinic has lots of docs, we won’t be on them either.
Grrr……. How annoying. I wouldnt worry about the BCPs. At my clinic they did not have me use them and they actually used a flare protocol so it was only 2 weeks of l.upon which I thought was weird. It all worked out though and instead of a March retrevial we had a Feb retrevial it was all a pleasent whirlwind! I wish you both lots of luck!!!
I’m so excited for you. I wish that Violet’s insurance hadn’t changed and you could do the IVF – I know how hard it is to have to let go (yet again) of your vision for making your family. But so many things change from minute-to-minute and I’m not convinced you won’t have your chance too in a couple of years.
From what I understand from our maybe-IVF cycle is that about 50% of IVFs at our clinic have the bcp cycle first and the other half don’t – it depends whether it’s a lupron or antagonist protocol (and maybe some other factors). I’m hoping, hoping, hoping that if we get into our trial we won’t have to do the bcps – more waiting just sucks.
No advice, but lots of good wishes! It sucks that they’re changing the insurance–but I’m glad you found out in time to get a try in while it’s still covered.
I also didn’t do the BCP’s for my first IVF and won’t do them again for the next one. Definitely crossing all fingers and toes that one time is all you need!
I too have very little advice regarding the BCP but it seems the consensus is they provide consistency with scheduling.
This makes sense because I felt like I was being put on them for too long and asked my coordinator about it and she said in order for me to have a thanksgiving week retrieval I would need to stay on the BCP for a little longer.
Thinking of you both and sending lots of lucky IVF vibes.