Mommies In The Making

There is a decision for you

There is the old saying “Not making  a decision is a decision”. That is exactly what we did. We never decided if we were going to do an insemination this cycle. Now we are out this cycle since the ovulation strip V took this evening  indicates that V should ovulate Saturday or Sunday.  I felt like the ovulation strip was  screaming out……DECISION MADE! I have mixed feelings about skipping this cycle since I have read somewhere, on some random message board, that a women is more fertile immediately after a m/c.  The odds might have been increased! Something else I find shitty  is  if V would have gotten pregnant this cycle, then the baby would have born in time for me to have eight weeks at homewith the baby and V. Thinking about how I will definitely miss out on this time makes me terribly sad. However, part of me believes that we just might not have been meant to inseminate this month since neither of us really took the necessary steps to make it happen.

 The results of the OV test strip made me think  back to the other day when the occupational therapist I work with, who has fertility issues (she is about to try IVF after a failed attempt last spring) asked me  when we were trying again. When I told her that we weren’t sure and  haven’t really thought about it.  She answered simply, “It’s nice, isn’t it?”  This made me stop and smile and say a little to quickly  “yes, it is”. Now this is not the answer I thought I would have had. But, yes, it is very nice to have not thought about every minute detail of TTC, pregnancy and the m/c  for about two weeks. As I sit and think about the past few weeks,  I think how we have enjoyed having time to not be obsessed with basal temp, sperm ordering, u/s to check follicles, fertility drug decisions, trying to make doc appointments, cervical mucus, and on and on and on and on.    So realizing these feelings it gives me some peace to the negative feelings I have about missing this cycle. I have enjoyed being a couple not  in the midst of TTC. (Of course, I wish we were a expecting couple)

In other news, I have not had a period in a VERY long time. 113 days to be (almost) exact. Not really sure what is up with that.  According to the CAT scan done on my abdominal/pelvic area about three weeks ago, which was done for a totally unrelated issue, I have/had a cyst on an (not sure which)  ovary and a follicle somewhere. So I am not sure what this means. Being a lesbian, I never really thought to much about my periods.  When you are not TTC and your a lesbian, a period is just a nuisance and has little meaning, or at least it did to me. I wasn’t completely oblivious. In the past I did find myself thinking  from time to time that it had been a really long time since I had a period.   But that is about as far as it went. So I guess I will start tracking my periods from now on to see what this means. That being if I ever get another period. At this point,  I don’t want to utter the four letter acronym  that I think this all could mean.


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6 thoughts on “There is a decision for you

  1. It certainly would be nice not to have another period, but I hope all is well with your body.

    I always heard that a woman should wait at least one cycle after a m/c before trying again. I know it sucks to have to sit one out, but it seems if you weren’t gung ho about it this time, there was a good reason. I know you’ll be back in the game again soon.

  2. I wish you both the best as you move forward.

  3. It sounds like some part of you was aware of the need to sit this one out. Physically and emotionally, you’ll both probably be a lot stronger for the next go-round. Best of luck with your next attempt and with your period. I know that four-letter acronym seems scary, but I’ve lived with it for years and it’s really not that bad. E-mail me if you want to chat about it.

  4. Ughh, I was TERRIBLE about keeping track of my period before I started TTC. I remember going into the doctors office for routine things, and they would ask me the date of my last period, I’d have no idea at all. I hope that whatever is keeping your period away for so long is easily fixed / managed.

    I hope that you’re feeling okay about the decision to skip this month essentially being made for you. It’s hard when you feel so eager to get started again, but I’m learning that a little time off can be nice. If nothing else, it’s great to enjoy a nice glass of wine (or 2 or 3!) at dinner.

  5. it’s so funny how shocked i used to be when i would get my period. and people asking for my LMP? what a joke. i’d be all: maybe this day? or this week? now i am like a walking calender. i can name my LMPs for the past year. sick, sick, sick.

    as for your break, i think you did a great job of letting it all get decided for you. sometimes that just what we have to do. i hope you are feeling better about it as the days pass and that you are feeling better when your next cycle comes along.

  6. poppycat on said:

    Honestly, I know just how you feel about being able to relax and not pay attention to all the garbage involved with getting knocked up. I have been able to go into this cycle as though we aren’t even trying and that has been a welcome change fron the past obsessions. I hope you find the same thing to be true for you when you get back to it. You will know when the time is right again. xo

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