Appreciation

What a rough/awful day this has been.  We had high hopes this morning and were both giddy on going in to the appointment.  In another light we had a discussion about 1 to 1 1/2 weeks ago about the possibility of a miscarriage due to my symptoms not being quite as intense or present.  I denied it and pretty much dismissed the idea that our little one wasn’t growing and I think P did too to some extent. 

We started our ultrasound and shortly after it began I think we both realized, before we were even told by the technician, that our little one stopped growing.  I felt sick that I couldn’t jump down off of the table and scoop up P.  I know her heart was breaking and I couldn’t do anything to change it or help her.  After the ultrasound we were supposed to meet the midwife, but had to wait in the waiting room.  What a stupid fucking plan for that office!  We just found out that our baby was gone and then we had to gather ourselves and set amongst all of these other people, some of them with beautiful pregnant bellies.  Next time they should just cut us and just put some salt, lemon juice and rubbing alcohol in the wound. 

After the appointment was over all I wanted to do was be with P.  I called in to work and that’s what we did.  Thank God for P.  I don’t know what I would do without her.  We will try again and we will love the next baby so much.

I am also so thankful for you all of you.  Your thoughts and sweet words mean so much to both of us and we thank you so much.  Thank you.

Violet

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