Question For You All
I was going to take a complete three month break from blogging, but it looks like that will not happen as I already have a question for you all! Since the last cycle failed I have been thinking a lot about IVF , so while I was doing our taxes last night I checked the i.rs site to see if any IVF related expenses could be deducted (for next year’s tax file). I found out that you can claim the expenses that come with IVF as a medical deduction. YAY! This information made me wonder if donor spe.rm could be considered a medical deduction. I do realize that this is a stretch and the chance that it actually would be a medical deduction is slim, but I thought I would put it out there and see if any of you knew the answer.
That white space….
showed up again today. Negative.
Our next step? Not sure, but maybe skip straight to IVF after our 3 month break. I did a super depressing thing yesterday and figured out just how much money we have spent on TTC. It was an ugly number.
Yesterday was hard and sad. I really want you all to know that your words of encouragement and well wishes did help lift our spirits yesterday and reduced some of the sadness. I am so thankful for each of you in this amazing community of wonderful women. I hope that while we are on hiatus that there are many many BFP’s.
Result
We tested. It was very negative. I actually thought it was going to be positive. I had lots of hope for this cycle and really wanted it to be positive as it is less than two weeks from our would be due date, if V would not have miscarried. We will be taking three months off. I am not sure how I feel right now, but I am leaning towards not blogging during the break. I have mixed feeling about taking a three month break, so I might need to not blog because it may help me remove myself from TTC. I love this community and will try and keep up with you all.
xoxoxoxo
“They Are A Little Tender”
As of this morning Violet is having some possible pregnancy symptoms, nothing major. These ”symptoms” could totally be explained by the fact that it is almost her period, so we are still very cautious about thinking any good thoughts. I think the glimmer of home got us a little excited and we are going to test in the morning. Tomorrow will be 11 days past IUI. I am so glad that we had friends over this evening to take my mind off of testing because I am so anxious. Let’s hope there are two lines tomorrow!
One Sperm and One Egg…Sounds so Damn Simple
I am such a trooper during the first week of the two week wait. I have random moments of boob grabbing, but rather than that I am fairly chill. Once we get down to the one week , it is a whole new game. I start doing crazy things. Like googling things like ”cycle day 20 pregnancy symptoms” or “early pregnancy symptoms” and so on and so on. I call this crazy because I already know what I am going to find on any site that I pull up with a search term like that. I will find that early pregnancy symptoms are breast tenderness, food aversions, missed period, sensitive to smells, nausea, etc. I know all of this! I am not sure what I expect to be on one of the numerous sites that I go to. But still I seem to think I need to try to find something new or maybe I am just looking for something that pops up and tells me to keep my hopes high.
Last night I went back and looked at the posts during the time that Violet got pregnant. In one of the posts I talked about how we were in the beginning of the one week wait and how Violet’s breasts were sore from the Ov.idrel. Nine months and many failed cycles later, I am so much better educated (by the BFN’s and the months and months I have had to read) and I now know that was not the Ov.drel but the very beginning of our baby. Even though my brain knows that every pregnancy is different, I can’t help but be sad that there are absolutely no symptoms 8 days past the IUI. We will test on Sunday. Then we really are taking more than one month off from this. Every time I say that we are taking time off, we take at the most a month off, but I am going to really commit to it so that we can resume life without thinking about that damn sperm fertilizing on freaking egg.
A Mantra, Or Two Even
First off, a big congrats to Puffer and Chicken on the birth of their two handsome little boys. I couldn’t be happier for them!
As I mentioned earlier, Tuesday’s IUI went as perfect as you could ask for. Our midwife said she thinks this is the one. This statement, of course, makes me happy as long as I ignore the fact that she always says she thinks this is it. She is so sweet and encouraging that I just happily jump on her bandwagon of hopes.
When I woke this morning, the first thing I thought about was how we were in the TWW and how I just really wanted to squeeze Violet’s breasts to see if there was any tenderness, tingling, soreness, fullness, ….let me be honest here…any sort of change at all would have pleased me. Then I reminded myself that I am taking a whole new chill approach to this TWW. Furthermore, I reminded myself that I was not going to obsessively hound Violet about her body and then nit-pick any information she gives me. Yes, this will be a more Zen-like TWW. Then I reached over and squeezed her breast. Poor Violet
I do not know now why I do this to myself. Clearly it’s too early for any signs, as it is just four days past her IUI. I think I will have to come up with a mantra….I will leave her breasts alone…I will leave her breast alone…
After reading Olive’s post about the issues they are having with spe.rm counts, I immediately freaked out. We have never seen a post thaw sample. Not only have we never seen a defrosted sample under a microscope, we have never had the thawed sample examined. Our midwife always defrosted the sample and then performed the IUI. What if the sperm was not thawed correctly and was shot into Violet while they were all dead!! I can’t quit thinking about it, but I am trying. Maybe I need to reread my above paragraph and add another mantra to my repertoire.
The week she turned 36
Today is cd 12 and Violets u/s this afternoon revealed three follicles. We are pleased that one is very tiny and the other two are measuring a big fat 23 cm and 17 cm. Two big follicles is perfect to me!
As I have wrote before, we love love love our OB/GYN practice. We get so such great vibes from all of the staff members and they give both Violet and I words of encouragement. Today our midwives receptionist, who we have talked to many times, but never saw since she always worked in a back office, called Violet up and introduced herself and handed her a piece of paper with her new direct line on it. Just so that Violet or I could reach her more easily if we need to. So very sweet and helpful!
IUI is set for tomorrow morning! I love the idea that Violet and I will be able to look back and remember that our first child was conceived the week that she turned 36.
October is A Nice Month
I am pleased to report that it is late Sunday afternoon and we have not gotten a positive on an ovulation stick yet! Weird that I am excited about not having a positive OPK yet, usually I am waiting and anxious that it will not show up.
After yesterday mornings very, and I mean very, light line on the OPK, Violet tried again at 1:00 and 6:00 yesterday to see if she would get a positive. To my dismay there was no line at all, not even if you squint REAL hard and hold it in the light juuuust right. So I determined that either that there was that tiny line because she had tested way too early in the day OR she had already had her surge and that line was the end of it. So to test these theories out, I asked Violet to check this mornings pee with an OPK and yes, there was the tiniest faintest line. Then Violet tested again around 1:00 today and no line at all. So, lesson learned. Don’t accidentally test ovulation status with morning pee….as it will cause a slight freak out.
I am so elated that it looks like everything is a go for the IUI on Tuesday morning. We will so overnight shipping on the “specimen” and it will be at the clinic by 10:30 am on Tuesday. Violet will be arriving (sadly, alone) at the clinic at 9:00 on Tuesday just incase it gets there early. Then a perfect IUI will occur that reveals a very open and ready cervix. After that, the two week wait will fly by with the quickest of time and I think there will even be early pregnancy signs before the end of the wait….yes, that is what will happen. I can feel it.
Oh, the fun of TTC!
Thank you all for giving us your input on your choice of ban.ks. It was nice to hear a lot of different perspectives on the banks that we are consistently perusing through. I think we have decided to do one last round with Fai.rfax and then switch banks. We really like our donor at Fair.fax, but are not devoted to him. We adore most of the information that we have about him. When we listen to his voice recording, we feel like he is most like Violet and I. Plus he seems very sweet and intelligent. There are a few things on the other hand that we feel kinda so-so on with him. Which really in the scheme of things is not all that important I guess. Anyway, the end result is that I think we might switch over to the Wal-Mar.t of sperm banks–CCB. I totally would go with No.rthwest (thanks Strawberry for reminding me of this bank) if we were not looking for an id consent donor. When I revisited their site I was reminded of their budget friendly prices. So, a little tip for all you who are not interested in id consent donors, Northwest is the way to go.
Thursday afternoon, Violet and I went to the midwife for an u/s to check on any follies that might be present. We were pleased to see that there were two follicles, one measuring 12 cm and the other measuring 16 cm. Super excited at this point in the appointment. Given that information we came up with an action plan of triggering early Sunday morning and then having the IUI Monday afternoon. This is a fantastic plan because that means that I will be able to be at the IUI!! Perfect! Oh, but sadly how things have turned since then……..
When we were leaving the pharmacy after picking up the Ovi.drel late Friday afternoon, Violet turned to me with a smile and happily said “I guess we will order the sample tomorrow!”. I lauged, because clearly this was a joke, as she was supposed to order the vial earlier that day so that it will be here on Monday morning. Then I gasped because I realized she was not kidding. She had forgotten to order the sp.erm!! She frantically, and in tears, called Fair.fax, which we knew was really just a pointless call as you have to have the order in my 1:40 and it was now 4:45. As we expected there will be no IUI on Monday.……..So, the end result is a very upset and aggravated Peony and a mad-at-herself Violet.
Violet called our midwife who said that Tuesday morning should be fine, we will hopefully catch the tail end of her ovulation instead of the front end. This of course, made us feel a little better. And anyway, Violet’s IUI’s usually fall on cd 14 and Monday would have been cd 12, so this was earlier than we were used to anyway. So we started to feel even better. Hope restored…and then……
This morning, Violet got overly anxious due to yesterdays occurrences and peed on a OPK (she forgot that she needs to do this between the hours of 12pm-8pm). There is a faint line. Shit! I am really hoping for the line to not darken before Sunday evening and trying to be hopeful that maybe this all happened for a reason……
Opinions Wanted
Quick question: What Cry.obank did/do you use and why do you like them?
We are thinking of switching banks and would love to get information about other banks from the most knowledgeable people on banks….all you lovely ladies!
We very much appreciate any info you offer up!
